Bobber Relationships

As a kid I loved to "bobber" fish. You would wait quietly for a fish to tug the bobber, take a nibble, and then take it all the way under before you set the hook. The bobber would go deep once and a while but for the majority of the time, the bobber stayed on the surface.

Through a series of events, teaching a Leadership Class on spiritual disciplines, hearing a message on friendship, and evaluating my own life ... it seems like for many of us, me included most relationships could be characterized as bobber relationships ... staying on the surface, going deep once and a while but then getting back to the waterline.

As I think of the biggest issue for me with keeping relationship usually above the line it is the curse of hurry. It is hard to do deep relationships when you suffer from hurry sickness. Hurry does a number of things to us:

> Causes us not to listen deeply
> Increases our pace where we rush for no reason
> Hinders our ability to love

I resonate with the quote from C.S. Lewis, "For many the great danger is not that we will renounce our faith. It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of it. We will just skim our lives instead of actually living them.

As a leader the things that we do that matter most, most of the time are based in deep relationships. I need to fight hurry and increase my ability to love and take relationships below the surface better.

Closing the Back Door

One of the harder issues to deal with as a church is the "back door". It is hard for a number of reasons, people are leaving unhappy, it feels personal, etc. And one discussion you will find yourself having is how do we "Close the Back Door." The danger in that question is that if you really want to answer it, you will find yourself, your energy, your staff trying to please lots of different request and you can easily get off mission. Let me offer that a suggestion for a better question: why are people going through the back door it?

If people are leaving because of lack of care, connection, etc. those are really things we need to be concerned about.

If people are leaving because the mission, values, and uniqueness of the church doesn't match with them ... then it really is best for the church and those who are leaving to leave.

As a church you need to wrestle with this issue and obviously you want to keep everyone who comes, but when there is a choice to be made ... stay true to the DNA of you church. All churches will have a back door, do your best to make sure that the back door is positive back door ... it is positive because you are so clear on mission and DNA as a church, some know there is a better place for them.