I have had the opportunity to see a different kind of community the past week or so, an overtly broken community. There is no hiding it, no pretending, everyone knows everyone issues and they are open about them. I've learned something from this community ... that communities that are broken, can result in healing and health. That a healthy community is a broken community.
As I have thought about this, really every community, group of people, is a broken community ... we all have issues, struggles, etc. Except in most environments we manage these issues behind the scenes, away from the group we are a part of and thus not much healing takes place in these "healthy" communities.
How do we help all of us become more authentic in our brokenness ... to become more trusting and vulnerable in the context of community. When that happens ... the loneliness is gone, the issues don't remain hidden, relationships are forged, and health is created.
A healthy community is a broken community.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Mentoring ... a Function, not a Form
As you look back over your life and leadership one thing that surfaces in everyone's development story is relationships. Relationships that helped shape who we are as people and leaders. Yet one of the hardest things to do from a transformation perspective in a church family is to develop mentoring relationships at a scale that produces massive life change.
As we wrestle with how we create a culture where life on life transformation happens, there are two obstacles that surface to the top fast:
First, mentoring can't be prescribed or programitized (is that a new word?). You can't manufacture relationships that will work, so it has to be more organic in nature.
Secondly, people are intimidated by mentoring and the concept of mentoring.
It is this second obstacle that I think is the bottleneck for most churches, those who can mentor and should mentor ... are scared to mentor and confused as to what mentoring is.
Too many of us have a picture in our head when we hear the word "mentoring" that is very limiting to the relationships we can develop. We either have a master / student picture, where one person dumps their full bucket of wisdom into someone dry bucket. Or we have an accountability relationship picture where you ask me 7 questions and I will ask you 7 questions. Everyone I talk to seems to have a mental form in their mind when it comes to mentoring, usually a pretty narrow form.
For mentoring to ignite in a church, we have to help people have a new mental picture. The picture that I've adopted, most due to a mentor of mine Rowland Forman, is that mentoring is an intentional spiritual friendship. It can take many shapes and forms, but it is simply a friendship that is intentional about helping each other live well. If it is a friendship, but not intentional ... that isn't mentoring. If it is intentional without the friendship, that isn't mentoring ... that's someone's project, and no one wants to be a project.
As you think of mentoring, let's think of it as not a specific form but the function of intentional spiritual friendships.
As we wrestle with how we create a culture where life on life transformation happens, there are two obstacles that surface to the top fast:
First, mentoring can't be prescribed or programitized (is that a new word?). You can't manufacture relationships that will work, so it has to be more organic in nature.
Secondly, people are intimidated by mentoring and the concept of mentoring.
It is this second obstacle that I think is the bottleneck for most churches, those who can mentor and should mentor ... are scared to mentor and confused as to what mentoring is.
Too many of us have a picture in our head when we hear the word "mentoring" that is very limiting to the relationships we can develop. We either have a master / student picture, where one person dumps their full bucket of wisdom into someone dry bucket. Or we have an accountability relationship picture where you ask me 7 questions and I will ask you 7 questions. Everyone I talk to seems to have a mental form in their mind when it comes to mentoring, usually a pretty narrow form.
For mentoring to ignite in a church, we have to help people have a new mental picture. The picture that I've adopted, most due to a mentor of mine Rowland Forman, is that mentoring is an intentional spiritual friendship. It can take many shapes and forms, but it is simply a friendship that is intentional about helping each other live well. If it is a friendship, but not intentional ... that isn't mentoring. If it is intentional without the friendship, that isn't mentoring ... that's someone's project, and no one wants to be a project.
As you think of mentoring, let's think of it as not a specific form but the function of intentional spiritual friendships.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Bobber Relationships
As a kid I loved to "bobber" fish. You would wait quietly for a fish to tug the bobber, take a nibble, and then take it all the way under before you set the hook. The bobber would go deep once and a while but for the majority of the time, the bobber stayed on the surface.
Through a series of events, teaching a Leadership Class on spiritual disciplines, hearing a message on friendship, and evaluating my own life ... it seems like for many of us, me included most relationships could be characterized as bobber relationships ... staying on the surface, going deep once and a while but then getting back to the waterline.
As I think of the biggest issue for me with keeping relationship usually above the line it is the curse of hurry. It is hard to do deep relationships when you suffer from hurry sickness. Hurry does a number of things to us:
> Causes us not to listen deeply
> Increases our pace where we rush for no reason
> Hinders our ability to love
I resonate with the quote from C.S. Lewis, "For many the great danger is not that we will renounce our faith. It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of it. We will just skim our lives instead of actually living them.
As a leader the things that we do that matter most, most of the time are based in deep relationships. I need to fight hurry and increase my ability to love and take relationships below the surface better.
Through a series of events, teaching a Leadership Class on spiritual disciplines, hearing a message on friendship, and evaluating my own life ... it seems like for many of us, me included most relationships could be characterized as bobber relationships ... staying on the surface, going deep once and a while but then getting back to the waterline.
As I think of the biggest issue for me with keeping relationship usually above the line it is the curse of hurry. It is hard to do deep relationships when you suffer from hurry sickness. Hurry does a number of things to us:
> Causes us not to listen deeply
> Increases our pace where we rush for no reason
> Hinders our ability to love
I resonate with the quote from C.S. Lewis, "For many the great danger is not that we will renounce our faith. It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of it. We will just skim our lives instead of actually living them.
As a leader the things that we do that matter most, most of the time are based in deep relationships. I need to fight hurry and increase my ability to love and take relationships below the surface better.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Closing the Back Door
One of the harder issues to deal with as a church is the "back door". It is hard for a number of reasons, people are leaving unhappy, it feels personal, etc. And one discussion you will find yourself having is how do we "Close the Back Door." The danger in that question is that if you really want to answer it, you will find yourself, your energy, your staff trying to please lots of different request and you can easily get off mission. Let me offer that a suggestion for a better question: why are people going through the back door it?
If people are leaving because of lack of care, connection, etc. those are really things we need to be concerned about.
If people are leaving because the mission, values, and uniqueness of the church doesn't match with them ... then it really is best for the church and those who are leaving to leave.
As a church you need to wrestle with this issue and obviously you want to keep everyone who comes, but when there is a choice to be made ... stay true to the DNA of you church. All churches will have a back door, do your best to make sure that the back door is positive back door ... it is positive because you are so clear on mission and DNA as a church, some know there is a better place for them.
If people are leaving because of lack of care, connection, etc. those are really things we need to be concerned about.
If people are leaving because the mission, values, and uniqueness of the church doesn't match with them ... then it really is best for the church and those who are leaving to leave.
As a church you need to wrestle with this issue and obviously you want to keep everyone who comes, but when there is a choice to be made ... stay true to the DNA of you church. All churches will have a back door, do your best to make sure that the back door is positive back door ... it is positive because you are so clear on mission and DNA as a church, some know there is a better place for them.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Gravitational Pull of Complexity
We are all familiar with gravity ... it is why I can't dunk a basketball! Gravity is a force that always brings things back to where they started. As a church the gravitational pull is always toward complexity in ministry. To have lots of options, lots of silos, lots of communication, lots of needs. It is easy to get complex it is hard to get simple.
We've worked hard to be a simple church ... to do a few things we believe are the best forms for people to be transformed and make a difference. We realize that we can't or want to do everything. But just like your garage over time you add a ministry or collect another opportunity and before long you have gravitated back to complexity.
It is hard to stay simple. Some will feel like it is too strategic or controlling, some will feel like you are not meeting enough needs, some just like adding stuff all the time. But the reason you fight for simplicity in my mind is three fold. First as the book Simple Church did so well is show that more transformation happens when a church can stay simple and clear.
First simplicity provides the platform for clarity so a church can get really good at what they do and it is clear for people what's next.
Secondly staying simple as a church actually provides margin for people to be more organic and creative with personal ministry dreams. People have time to have relationships, people have time to make a difference in the community by being involved. Simplicity provides margin for people to live out the mission as a body and also individually.
And finally the most important gift you have been given as a church is your leaders. They are usually great people, responsible people, people who know they don't just go to church, they are the church. What you will find when you get complext is that same group of leaders is doing more and more and over time they will feel more used than useful. We have to prioritize care and investment in our leaders and a simple model can help you do that.
So fight gravity, say no to some good things, and care for your leaders well.
We've worked hard to be a simple church ... to do a few things we believe are the best forms for people to be transformed and make a difference. We realize that we can't or want to do everything. But just like your garage over time you add a ministry or collect another opportunity and before long you have gravitated back to complexity.
It is hard to stay simple. Some will feel like it is too strategic or controlling, some will feel like you are not meeting enough needs, some just like adding stuff all the time. But the reason you fight for simplicity in my mind is three fold. First as the book Simple Church did so well is show that more transformation happens when a church can stay simple and clear.
First simplicity provides the platform for clarity so a church can get really good at what they do and it is clear for people what's next.
Secondly staying simple as a church actually provides margin for people to be more organic and creative with personal ministry dreams. People have time to have relationships, people have time to make a difference in the community by being involved. Simplicity provides margin for people to live out the mission as a body and also individually.
And finally the most important gift you have been given as a church is your leaders. They are usually great people, responsible people, people who know they don't just go to church, they are the church. What you will find when you get complext is that same group of leaders is doing more and more and over time they will feel more used than useful. We have to prioritize care and investment in our leaders and a simple model can help you do that.
So fight gravity, say no to some good things, and care for your leaders well.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
It's a Wonderful Life
For the past three years our family Christmas Eve tradition is to gather around with a fire, snacks, etc. and watch, It's a Wonderful Life. As I ponder why it is such a moving story for me I think it is that those in church leadership has a lot in common with George Bailey.
George has big ideas to travel the world and do really big, exciting things, but through life's events, settles into his hometown, Bedford Falls and in his mind doesn't do anything all that important. But when he is at end of his rope, an angel in training Clarence ... gives him a glimpse of what Bedford Falls would be like without George Bailey. Without his leadership and desire to help others, the town and people would be dramatically different in a depraved sort of way.
As I think about key leaders in our church, like our small group leaders, I wish I could do what Clarence does for George ... show them what would be different if they hadn't stepped out to lead, and care, and help others. Leadership is not about a few big moments for most of us, but about caring and leading over a long period of time. It is through that faithfulness that God does some really amazing things with marriages, families, life decisions, community impact in a redemptive sort of way.
Would love to know your thoughts on how to encourage leaders and give them a picture of the difference they are making...
George has big ideas to travel the world and do really big, exciting things, but through life's events, settles into his hometown, Bedford Falls and in his mind doesn't do anything all that important. But when he is at end of his rope, an angel in training Clarence ... gives him a glimpse of what Bedford Falls would be like without George Bailey. Without his leadership and desire to help others, the town and people would be dramatically different in a depraved sort of way.
As I think about key leaders in our church, like our small group leaders, I wish I could do what Clarence does for George ... show them what would be different if they hadn't stepped out to lead, and care, and help others. Leadership is not about a few big moments for most of us, but about caring and leading over a long period of time. It is through that faithfulness that God does some really amazing things with marriages, families, life decisions, community impact in a redemptive sort of way.
Would love to know your thoughts on how to encourage leaders and give them a picture of the difference they are making...
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